It is now soon 13 months since I made a change in the ingredients of my diet. The change I can almost not believe possible myself.
Before summer I believe I will be down to where I would like to be. But the time is not important. Just knowing what I do is working and that every day I get a little closer to what should be my ideal weight according to my height.
Some people have over time told me they didn´t recognize me. Some because I gained weight and some after I have now lost weight. The reason obviously because they did not see me in a long time when changes took place. The last time this happened was recently. And I was thinking about the fact that some people now don´t recognize me because I lost weight and I am thinking; for myself it is now I start to recognize the outward again after many years of being overweight. The reasons why I gained weight are many and maybe some day I will share.For myself I can see I am different outwardly over the years and it is not something I have been happy about, but still my goal in the struggles of life has first and foremost been to keep my integrity as a person and on the inside, to be true to myself there and what I believe in and who I want to be. My first priority has been to recognize myself there and not loose who I am and who I believe in I want to be. And this has been a struggle with all the trials life has offered.
If you look at these portrait pictures look at the first one and the one from december 2006 and I will tell you a little clue to what helped me even take a hold of my physical change last year.
A person I have not seen or heard from in 33 years contacted me by email. This person saw me last time as a teenager of 15 years old as I am in the first picture. The person wrote: I have been searching for you for 33 years and I am so happy I found you and to see you have not changed at all. You are the same (and than there was a description how this person saw I was the same now as back than). And than the person told me that it was on my english website www.starkids.cc I was found. And what is to be found there: Yes, this horrible picture from december 2006. It is not possible to see it is the same person to even myself. And it is not a picture I am proud to present to anybody. But this person did not talk about the outward, but remembered how I was as a teenager and had read what I had been doing over my life and had studied my homepage and even read a speech I held that I had posted on my website. And this person writes how wonderful it is to see I had not changed at all! To me that was such an incredible message in my life and it was life altering in many ways at that exact point in my life.
A person I have not seen or heard from in 33 years contacted me by email. This person saw me last time as a teenager of 15 years old as I am in the first picture. The person wrote: I have been searching for you for 33 years and I am so happy I found you and to see you have not changed at all. You are the same (and than there was a description how this person saw I was the same now as back than). And than the person told me that it was on my english website www.starkids.cc I was found. And what is to be found there: Yes, this horrible picture from december 2006. It is not possible to see it is the same person to even myself. And it is not a picture I am proud to present to anybody. But this person did not talk about the outward, but remembered how I was as a teenager and had read what I had been doing over my life and had studied my homepage and even read a speech I held that I had posted on my website. And this person writes how wonderful it is to see I had not changed at all! To me that was such an incredible message in my life and it was life altering in many ways at that exact point in my life.
It helped me in the time after to start to see who I was both on the inside and the outside. And one day I just had the decision in my heart to get back to who I had been even on the outside. Even though and older version of myself. And as I started I have not left that determination one day. And what I believed impossible or at least would take years to accomplish, has as a matter of fact come to reality within a year.
Before I started I could no longer buy clothes in a store, only in some internet stores that had big clothes. Now I can go into a ladies department and just pick something from the rack and it fits. It is not even in the department for big sizes any longer. For now I don´t buy, I just go and try, to just see how I can fit into smaller and smaller sizes and it gives motivation. So far I have been altering my clothes. But a couple weeks ago I found it was too much to alter and it would not be nice at all even if I did. So I packed it all away. My wardrobe is almost empty. For years now I have been putting clothes away because they were too small. And now I put away all these bags with way too big clothes. That is really a strange feeling.
Every day I am continuing and doing just what I have been doing this past year. And I now trust the change will continue. So I don´t think much about it. Just make sure I eat right every day.
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